I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I see more hoeing in ur future
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