I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
