After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we're making bets on your personal life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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