Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
