none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
