Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
