I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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