On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
