she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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