My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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