I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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