Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We are all done wearing pants today
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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