also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
