I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
