i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
