Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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