I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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