I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
