the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
