And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
