Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
