he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
