This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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