Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
