You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
