Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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