Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Of course I have a pirate flag
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
