we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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