dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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