I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
