I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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