I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize