I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
