FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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