i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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