you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
