i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
