she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My pussy is not your playground.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
