# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
