there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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