So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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