Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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