i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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