K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
