i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
