I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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