before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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