The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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