apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
