Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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