Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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