This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The power of my boobs compel you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
