nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
