I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize