I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need moral support for this bender
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
