I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
