My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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