I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
