so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
