he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
