I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
