When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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