If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
