i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The uberlube is also flammable
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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