Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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