Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
