Sponge bath it is.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
