Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
