She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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