I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
