2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
